Most Random Black Veil Brides Story EVER!
by HaHaPopRocks
Summary: Title says all! Just a funny parody of BVB's experience at Warped. Rated T for Language and a little sexual content.  Purdy...  Maybe OOC, but it's supposed to be funny! Enjoy! :3
1. Our Ritual

I was a baeutiful Warped Tour day. Tents were set up, bands were getting ready for their show. One band in particular were participating in a morning "Ritual"...

"OOOH!"

"Is it in?"

"Yes!"

"Does it hurt?"

"HELL YEAH!"

"Hmmm...then maybe we should try a different shoe size..." Ashley said, looking through the small closet in their tour bus as Jake struggled to take off the leather strap boot that he had managed to jam onto his foot.

"Jesus, Jake, why didn't you pick out an outfit last night?" Andy complained.

"Because he was to "busy" playing his nintendo." CC said from somewhere in the front of the bus.

"Hey, I FINALLY made it past Level 3 in Super Mario Bros!"

"Congratulations, dumb-fuck." Andy whacked him upside the head as he passed by.

"Here, try these." Ashley said, throwing Jake another pair of boots. Walking to the fdront of the bus, Andy picked up his cigarette pack from the stove.

"Who wants a smoke?"

"MEEE!" CC squealed, jumping up from the small couch. They went outside, soon followed by Ashley and Jake. Jake pouted.

"You're...smoking without me?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Cause."

"Don't yell at me!"

"HERE!" CC threw the pack of cigarettes at him, "Now go milk a cow!" Jake sat down and pouted.

* A few minutes later... *

2 blondies walked up to the bus. They were wearing hoochie outfits and chewing gum. Ashley stared at them, Jake tried to make his pouty face sexy *FAIL*, CC giggled creepily, and Andy blew out smoke all bad-ass like. The 2 blonde hoochies looked them over. The tall onesaid, "You know smoking is bad for you, right?"

"Yessssss." Andy hissed.

"So then WHY are you doin it?"

"CAUSE WE'RE AWESOME PENGUINS!" CC yelled. The blondies scoffed and flipped their hair a few times.

"You guys are so disgusting-uh." the secong blonde said.

"Are we?" Andy asked.

"Uh yeah."

"Well..." Andy leaned against the bus and blew out another puff of smoke, giving the girls the eye, "...have you seen how hot my mom is?" The girls scoffed again, flipped their hair a few more times, then walked away. After Ashley snapped out of his faze, he stood up and waved his arms.

"Hey giiirls...giiirls...HEY YOU GIIIRLSSS!"

The hoochies looked back. Ashley took a deep breath.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS!" The girls flipped their hair again and continued walking away. CC and Jake were hysterical. Andy just stared at his cigarette in an odd way.

"Nice flirting..." he mumbled.

"At least I don't smoke or bring up my mom in every conversation."

"HEY, that worked once!"

"With a guy."

"Well...it still worked..." Jake and CC finally stopped laughing, and Jake resumed pouting.

"Anyway, why were they making fun of us smoking? Like everyone does it!" CC said.

"Because its so digusting-UUUUH!" Andy/Lightnin Thunderstein said.

"I don't care how disgusting it is. It's our fucking ritual, so they can SUCK IT!"

"Yeah!" Jake said.

"You guys are weird..." Ashley said, walking back inside.

"Your mom!" Jake yelled, following him. Andy threw his cigarette down and stomped on it angrily, then followed Jake and Ash inside, mumbling to himself.

"Elephants-GIRAFFES IN DISGUISE!" CC sang, sitting outside. He waved at the people who stared at him.


	2. Sausages and Pie

**A/N SORRY ABOUT THE LATE POST! BACK TO SCHOOL, BEEN BUSY, LOST MY LAPTOP, ALL THAT JUNK! ANYWAY, HOPE YOU ENJOY!**

**p.s. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AGAINST BVB, I LOOVE THEM TO DEATH! AND REVIEWS WOULD BE APPRECIATED! THANX! ****J**

"Hey, where's Jinxx?" Ashley asked, grabbing a beer from the mini fridge.

"He's in his bunk being a lazy hobo in the zoo." Jake said, playing with his fingers.

"Is he still crying over Sammi?" Andy asked.

"Probably."

"I'm not crying, I'm sweating through my eyes!" Jinxx yelled from his bunk. Andy rolled his eyes and headed towards the bunk. When he walked in, Jinxx was hanging off the side of the bed, eyes crossed and tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. His underwear lay neatly folded next to him.

"Dude, come ON! You've been like this for about 5 minutes. Get UP!"

"But I don't waaannnaaa! I miss her too much!"

"UUUH." Andy grunted. There was only one thing left to do. He got on top of the bed and began bouncing up and down. "Get. Up. You. Sad. Lazy. HAG!"

"NO-o-o-o!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!

"NO!"

"YAY-ES!" *Lightnin Thunderstein*

"NO!" Andy finally stopped jumping.

"Pickle juice…" he mumbled, getting off the bed and sitting down next to Jinxx.

"Look, I know I'm the last sock in the dryer be talking about a relationship problem like this, buuut…" Andy glanced at himself in the mirror, back to Jinxx, then quickly looked back to the mirror. He fluffed his hair some…then again…checked his teeth…

"Andy?"

"Oh, wait, what?…uh, where was I?"

"You were talking about socks in a dryer…?"

"Oh, yeah. Er…ok.", Andy said, standing up, "I'm gonna get my makeup on, you…need a shower! You STANKY!" Andy walked out of the room. Jinxx stood up and sniffed the air for the first time.

"Hmmm…nope, nothing."

*Back in the front of the bus!*

"Did you get him up?" Ashley asked Andy.

"Nope."

"Then who's in the shower now?"

"YOUR MOM!" Jake blurted out. Andy rolled his eyes and threw a bag of sausages from the fridge at Jake.

"Cook them!"

"Sir, yes, sir!" Jake yelled, saluting Andy, and then began chewing on the bag. CC walked in, covered in whip cream…?

"What the hell happened to you?" Andy asked.

"Weeell, I was singing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" and waving at random strangers when a few teenage boys came up to me and started throwing pie…at me." he said. Ashley burst out laughing. Andy stared at the pie-covered CC, and Jake was still trying to open the bag of sausages with his mouth. Soon it became totally silent. CC slowly lifted his arm and licked some of the whipped cream off.

"Want some?…" Jake dropped the bag of sausages.

"WHIPPED CREEEAAAM!"


	3. Air Guitars and Soundcheck

**A/N Soo sorry I haven't been updating sooner! I've been soooooooooooooooo busy, and that's a LOT of o's….so…yeah…understandment, please? =/ Anyway, here's the next chapter.**

The stage was ready, bands were in the middle of sound checks. But this band didn't have an ordinary sound check…it was a very "special" one…

"Oooooh yeeeeaaaah! This sounds perfect!"

"Jake, dude, you're not even holding your guitar…"

"I know, duh, I'm not STUPID. I'm talking about my aaaiiirr guitarrr!" Jake yelled, holding his hands up, as if holding an actual guitar, and began making weird noises.

"No fair! I wanna try!" CC said.

"But you play drums, not guitar." Ashley told him.

"…you're point is?"

"Ok guys, get it together. We go on in about 15 minutes." Andy told them.

"But where…where are my drums? Andy, did you take them? DID YOU?"

"Dude, there-"

"No, WHERE ARE MY DRUMS? OH MY GOD, WHAT IF THOSE GIANT RATS TOOK THEM AGAIN!…Oh wait, that's a commercial…BUT WHAT ABOUT THOSE TROLL THINGS, DID THEY TAKE THEM?…Oh wait, they're in Jake's room…"

"TROLLS!" Jake screamed, causing everyone to look in their direction.

"CC, you're drums are backstage, and Jake…yeah, trolls…" Andy appointed. "Can we just get to the stage without killing each other this time? Please?"

"Fine…but no one touches my drums…" CC pouted.

"T-t-trooolls!" Jake whisper-yelled.

"Bacon." Andy said.

*At the stage….*

Andy was talking with Black Veil Brides manager, while the rest of the band began doing an ACTUAL sound check. CC was quietly whispered to his drums, "It's okay, my precious. They won't hurt you…they won't touch you…" He looked around, making a very strange, creepy face. "Myyy drummms..."

Jake was singing to his.

"I looove you, my guitar! I...LUUUOOOOVEEEE YOOOOUUUU MY GUITARRR!"

"Sammi...I. Miss. Sammiiii!" Jinxx complained, playing random chords and notes on his electric. Ashley poked random *naked* girls on his porn bass.

"Poke...teehee...poke...!"

"Okay, guys! Let's get it together! You go on in 5!" the backstage director yelled.

"OOOKAY, READY, SET GO!" CC yelled. Before he could start playing, Andy grabbed the drum sticks from his hands.

"Turtles are in your head!" he yelled directly in his ear. CC looked up at him, his bottom lip quivering.

"That's...that's hurtful, man..." he said. His eyes began to twitch in slow motion.

"No...no, no crocodile tears! NONONO!" Andy yelled. He quickly gave the drumsticks back to CC and patted him on the head. CC looked at his sticks and smiled.

"Aaaahh..." he squealed.

"Alright, you guys ready?" Andy asked.

"Ranbows!" Jake yelled.

"Bra's and Panties, YEEAAHH!" Ashley yelled.

"Sammiiiii! Come back to meee!" Jinxx whined. "Oh, and yeah."

"Pancakes are yummy and delicious!" CC said, which meant everyone was ready.

"Good!" 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Andy took a breath...

*HA! NOT TELLING YOU WHAT SONGS THEY SANG! :D*

**A/N So watcha think? I didn't know how to end this chapter, but there. I know it's short, but they're all gonna be pretty short. OH WELL! GET OVER IT! I'll try to update sooner, but my laptop is at my dad's, and my mom's computer is infected *divorced parents*, so that's the main reason they're coming so late. I'll try to post more ASAP! Review please! FOR BVB! :] thank yoouu!**


	4. More Air Instruments With Loneliness

*Jake, CC, and John*

"Awesome show guys. I'm so proud." John, their manager, says with no enthusiam what so ever.

"Yaaay!" CC yelled.

"Does this mean we get pizza?" Jake asked. John stared at him with a blank expression. Jake fell to his knees, putting his hands in front of him like a puppy's.

"Pweeeeese?" John stared.

"Okay."

"YAY!" CC and Jake both yelled. John walked away to a random isolated area, but Jake and CC didn't notice as they were jumping up and down and squealing like little girls.

"I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it! YEEAAH!" CC sang *horribly*. Jake played his air guitar, and CC began his air drums. They played their invisible instruments in the middle of the Warped festival, with thousands of people around them…but they were in their own little world…

*Andy, Jinxx, and Ashley*

"Damn, look at those chicks." Ashley said, pointing over to a couple blondes next to a small pitched tent.

"Ash, those are the girls from this morning…" Andy explained.

"I knooow."

"I don't need two blonde hoochies. I need Sammiii!" Jinxx whined. Andy whacked him upside the head.

"Shut your centipede!" he yelled into his ear. Jinxx rubbed his left ear and walked ahead of them. Ashley was lagging behind, still staring at the blonde hoochies. Andy was in the middle, walking and making weird, constipated looks at random people he passed.

"Yeah, so…I'm gonna go…" Ashley said, turning the other way and heading toward the hoochie-infested tent. Jinxx's phone began ringing.

"SAMMI!" he yelled, running off and screaming with his arms in the air, leaving Andy by himself.

"Here I am, alone…cold…in the middle of Warped…hungry…bored…with NO ONE!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. Everyone went quiet and stared at him. He smiled.

"Yay, I'm noticed!"

**A/N Sorry if Andy seems kind of…conceded…I think he kind of did, BUT I DON'T MEAN IT! I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE IT INTERESTING! I'M SORRY, I LOVE YOU ANDY BIERSACK!…*cough cough* Okay, so…thanks for reading…Reviews? ****J thank yooouuu!**


	5. Magazine Sex Without Pizza

*Back in the Tour Bus*

"I cannot BELIEVE those girls actually turned me down!" Ashley yelled.

"I can't believe John lied about the pizza!" Jake yelled.

"I'm with Jaaaaake!" CC whined, throwing a fit. They both punched the couch, kicking around screaming, but not crying.

"CC, Jake, STOP EEET! And Ashley…stick with having sex with your magazines." Andy screamed.

"Oh…kay…" Ashley said, heading to his bunk. CC and Jake paused in the middle of their tantrum, then started again.

"PIZZA! PIIIZZZAAAA!" They yelled.

"SAMMI! SAAAMMIIII!" Jinxx joined in. Now everyone was going crazy except for Andy, and Ashley was most likely "reading" his Playboy magazines.

"Guys…guys come on…hey, Jake…CC, put that DOWN!…GUYS?" Andy was yelling, trying to get everyone to shut up, but it wasn't working. Then he started cursing very loudly…

"AAH-"

*Meanwhile outside*

A mother and her young daughter were walking around the Warped festival, and they just happened to walk by Black Veil Brides' bus…

They could hear all the fuss going on inside, including Andy's loud cursing.

"Mommy, who's that?" the little girl asked, pointing to the bus. The mother stopped, hearing what was going on, AND Andy's language. She took her daughters hand and ran off with her.

*Back inside*

Eventually Jake, CC, and Jinxx had stopped whining, and all the sound that was left was Andy's cussing. When he finally realized he was the only one left, he cleared his throat.

"Thank you." He took a bow.

"I…I still want pizza…" CC said. Jake nodded, pouting like he had this morning.

"And I still want Sammi!" Jinxx said, falling back on the small couch.

"Yeah, yeah. We all want something. Right now all I want is for everyone to STOP COMPLAINING…and bacon, but that's different…"

"Well I would stop complaining if I had pizza!"

"And I'd stop complaining if I could see Sammi!" Jinxx rolled off the couch and onto a sloppy heap on the floor.

Okay, okay, uuuh…." Andy thought for a moment. Then he grabbed his cell phone, thought twice, then grabbed John's new cell phone from the counter and tossed it to CC, who caught it with one hand without looking.

"there, call for pizza. And Jinxx, er, HERE!" He handed the laptop to Jinxx, He stared down on it, his eyes crossed.

What…do I…do…with this?"

"See if Sammi's online or something, I don't know?" Andy grabbed his cigarettes and was about to go outside when Jinxx yelled, "She's NOT ONLINE NOOOO!" Sighing, Andy dropped his cigarette pack and snatched the laptop from him.

"Lemme see this…" With quick thinking, Andy went to the pictures on the laptop. Half of them were of Sammi, courtesy of Jinxx. He clicked on the newest looking one and handed it back to Jinxx.

"See, she IS on!" he said in the happiest tone possible.

"YAAAY! OMIGOD SAMMI YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED JAKE AND CC A FEW MINUTES AGO…" Jinxx blabbered on to the motionless photo while Andy quickly grabbed his cigarettes and dashed out to of the bus.

"Cigarette break YAY-UUUH!"


End file.
